Husband wife jokes

1. Husband says: “When I’m gone you’ll never find another man like me.”
Wife replied: “What makes you think I’d want another man like you!”

2. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You
order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish
you had ordered that

3. Man: “Is there any way for long life?”
Dr: “Get married.”
Man: “Will it help?”
Dr: “No, but the thought of long life will never come.”

4. Wife: “Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?”
Husband: “Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.”

5. A lion was getting married. At his wedding was a mouse shouting away and congratulating the lion: “All the best, my brother. Good luck.”
Seeing the mouse shouting away claiming that the lion getting married is his brother, another Lion grabs the mouse in anger and asks: “Who the hell do you think you are? How can a lion be your brother? You are only a mouse.”
The Mouse replies: “I, too, was a Lion before I got married.”

6. Doug goes to a doctor and says: “Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?”
The doctor replies: “Try coming home at 3 in the morning!”

7. Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER….. …
Immediately after Marriage!!

8. Why do only 30% of wives get into Heaven?
—If it were more, it would be Hell.

9. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD.
After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY.

10. It’s funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

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