1. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is new or the wife is.
2. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you don’t promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife.”
The poor man wrote back, ” I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”
3. “What’s the matter, you look depressed.” “I’m having trouble with my wife.” “What happened?” “She said she wasn’t going to speak to me for 30 days.”
“But that ought to make you happy.” “It did, but today is the last day.”
4. Mr. Jones patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her, “Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent.”
Oh, Papa,” gushed the daughter, “it’s going to be so hard leaving mother.”
“I understand perfectly, my dear,” beamed Mr. Jones. “You just take her with you.”
5. ‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.’
‘Way to go, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And every now and then I’ll also try to send her a few bucks myself.’
6. A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’
‘Tell you the truth, me neither, doc’, said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and takes good care of the kids.’
