If Best B’wood films were made by Ekta Kapoor

Bollywood spices to amuse us:

The perennial supplies of Bollywood can amuse the masses for eternity since there is something for every taste and expectations. With too many chefs (directors) and a plenitude of ingredients (actors), the delicious recipes (movies) that Bollywood makes are endless and appease the taste buds (sentiments) of the audience. Getting into this resourceful world, we can’t help escaping into some weird imaginations at times mixing and matching different combinations we are familiar with. How it would be if Ekta Kapoor, the champion of top sentimental serials lays her hands on directing an epic movie – is an out of the world imagination. Strangely enough, we can’t imagine what would be the fate of a Damini or a Sholay if Ekta applies her Saas Bahu style to craft them.

When Ekta Kapoor reattempts Lagaan, the epic of Aamir Khan, the outcome would be this. Having just escaped out of Ekta’s Saas Bahu serial, Aamir Khan has been pulled in to play the Bhuvan of Lagaan. So to say, the whole team that accomplished Saas Bahu has been contracted to make the movie. Therefore all that is expected of a serial have managed to remain. Whenever a sixer or a boundary is driven, the scene is repeated three to four times with some special sound effects and in different angles. We see the captain frowning and casting an angry look at Bhuvan. When Aamir successfully accomplishes three sixes, the captain looks at him often for the hits. All of this is to bestow immense satisfaction of creativity on Ekta in making Lagaan. There are no restrictions whatsoever for the actors to pour out all the stored emotions they have been habituated to and they lavishly take several hours in turn to try each of their luck on haunting the audience. The team’s score is decided by a toss and they manage to score 800 propelled by triple score effects. Watching just the introduction of the movie stretch over five long hours, the audience is confused as to where they are and what they are watching on the screen.

In desperation some endeavor to imitate Rajnikanth and try to escape out of the theater only to find that Ekta has managed to lock them up inside. Some horrified audience glue themselves to the chair helplessly and say the direction is so wonderful in order to please Ekta. With the Lagaan team scoring so much, a large part of the audience has fainted not able to withstand the trauma. The debut was graced by the invitees Salman Khan and Katrina Kaif who had already managed to escape from the theater through the fire exit under the excuse of commotion. Gracing the first line so far, Priyanka Chopra, Deepika and Kareena discuss in whispers whether they shall head to Singapore or the US if they managed to get out of the show alive. Alia Bhatt phones up Aamir Khan from the theater and asks to book an appointment with a cardiologist suspecting a heart attack. Sharukh Khan manages to withstand all the scenes of desperation and smiles at Sunny Leone with a tone of understanding.

The latest Bollywood News makes a coverage of all that happens on the screen. Fainted on the floor so far, Aamir Khan suddenly gains his senses in response to a loud cry on the screen and phones up Ekta with a plea to wind up the show and save all for good. He too promises to give away all his future profit in return to this noble gesture. When Ekta declines the offer, he helplessly faints once again and the masses sprinkle water on his face to see whether there is any breath left in him.



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